I can't stop thinking about "It"

Ok, I should have written about this long ago but I thought it would pass.

I'm being haunted by something I heard on the radio a few weeks BEFORE Addie was born. 2.5 months, people! And I still can't stop having nightmares about "It."

One of the radio stations in town does a section every afternoon of "Other People's Problems" where someone writes or calls in a problem and other listeners call in their solutions. The problem on this particular day started out as a pregnant woman who thought she was having a boy but when the ultrasound revealed that the baby was a girl, she no longer felt attached to the baby. She no longer really even wanted to be pregnant and felt like it was someone else's baby. Most of the listeners called in saying things like "Oh, that happened to me, and the feeling goes away the moment you hold your baby for the first time."

But then there was a lady who called in to say that she went through a similar thing during her pregnancy. Her story went something like this:

I thought I was having a boy and was so excited. Then I found out it was a girl and I didn't want it anymore. When it was born, I was hoping the ultrasound was wrong, but It still wasn't a boy. I didn't want It, but I was obligated to take It. I fed It. I bathed It. I changed Its diapers, but I never loved It. I make sure It's warm and dressed but I have never been attached to It. It calls me Mommy, but It's Daddy gives It the love It needs.

She went on and on for a good 5 minutes telling her story and NEVER ONCE referred to her daughter as just that - her DAUGHTER. She ALWAYS used the word "It." It was bone-chilling. When the DJs asked her old her daughter was, she responded "I think it's almost 3 now."

How crazy is that? Ok, I can understand taking a long time to attach to your baby because they're so demanding and they give nothing back in return. But a child who is almost 3 has laughter and explores the world. They give you hugs and kisses. They tell you they love you. They get excited about seeing anything you show them for the first time. The love smiley face pancakes and walks around the block to see Christmas lights. They love to put blankets over their heads and pretend to be ghosts or princesses, whichever suits the mood. They run everywhere they go. They say funny things like "No pretend mac and cheese for you Mommy, you get beans and sausage!"

How can you NOT feel for a child with such a big personality, let alone one who is yours. Your very own child. Yours. She idols you. Yours. YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

Ok, people. There you have it. It was so bone-chilling to hear this lady talk about her daughter for so long and never once call her anything other than "It" that now I have nightmares about it. I want to find the little girl and give her a hug and adopt her and show her that she is loved.

Sigh.

Silent Niffer

Silent Niffer. Holy Niffer. All is calm. All is bright. Round yon virgin mother and child.

Wait. That's not me.

I'm back from a couple days of silence. It's actually been longer than you think, but we'll keep the actual number a secret.

We've had a couple bad days with Addie. She still wakes a couple times in the early mornings and sometimes it's hard to put her back to sleep, but what has really made the last two days difficult is that she's suddenly switched to taking only 15-20 minute naps during the day. That's just not going to cut it. Mommy needs to sleep longer than that.

The annoying thing about her waking up is that I KNOW it's because she has to fart or poop. Can someone please tell me how you teach a baby that it's really ok to fart during times when she's NOT in her Mommy's arms? It's like this little girl is convinced that I need to be holding her in order for her to have a successful bowel movement. Sure that sounds all sweet now, but you wouldn't think so at 3:00 in the morning. Unless you're reading this at 3:00 in the morning.

Anyway, if I can just get passed that then I think things would be fantastic. It's frustrating to always be wondering if Addie isn't sleeping long because she's too tired or not tired enough. Do I keep her up longer (she typically can only stay awake for an hour) or do I put her down earlier (the last few days she's ready for a nap only 15 minutes after waking).

So, sorry about the silent Niffer. We've also had a couple difficult and grumpy days with Ellie, so I can't even fall back on her cute stories as a back-up. However, I'm sure I'll return soon.

Big Sister Quote of the Day XIV

In one hand, holding out a Bun-Bun wrapped in a blanket, she says "See? It's a baby Bun Bun." Then holding out another Bun-Bun, she says "And see? It's a big sissa Bun Bun."

Ninja Baby

How do you spell "Waaaaa"???

Wordless Wednesday XIX

Bah Humbug!

Birthday Earth

I was told about a pretty cool product that I thought I'd share. Take a look:
This is what the Earth looked like when Addie was born.
And here is the Earth when Ellie was born.

I got the images from Birthday Earth. Email me if you want a coupon code for 50% off (expires end of 2009).

Most bizarre thing I've ever owned

Michael's aunt gave us some handmade bears that she did herself. Aren't they cute? So why would I claim that these are the most bizarre things I've ever owned? I asked her to make them for me. No, that's not why. Wait for it... wait for it...

The bears are made out of Merlin's hair. Yes! I'm not kidding you! Do you remember his first haircut? You're probably thinking to yourself, "She didn't!?" to which I have to say "I did!" I think I'm going to have to blame the pregnancy for that idea because I can't fathom why I would have ever thought to make bears out of my dog's hair if it weren't for my hormones going crazy.

Believing in something

Someone recently asked me when we will start taking Ellie to church. Not being much of a church-goer, I said we didn't have such plans. She then responded with "How is she going to believe in anything then? She needs to believe in something."

I'm curious... many of my readers are religious and attend church regularly. Others are not. What do you guys think?

Do I have to send my children to church in order for them to believe in something? Is it even fair for me to pretend to be a church-goer when I really am not? What if I want them to be open to other religions? This person obviously was thinking of a Christian church, but would she be ok if I told her that we've decided to sign Ellie up for a Jewish school?

If I want my children to grow up and make their own decision on which religion they want to believe, what's the best way to do that?

In my ideal world, I envision picnics and hikes where my daughters and I sit and ponder how wonderful God must be to have made such a beautiful and complicated world. Is that not enough?

Is it not enough that Ellie and I sing "I see the moon and the moon sees me... God bless the moon and God bless me and God bless the one I want to see. God looked down from up above and he picked you out for me to love...?"

What do you think? If you're a more religious person than I, I'd like to know how you feel - if your goal was for your children to make their own decisions on religion, would you feel that church was required? If you're not a religious person, but have the same goal, what's your approach?

Flowers

OH MY GOSH! What a special moment! Ellie drew me a picture, but what was special about the picture is that it actually almost, sort of kind of looks like what she said she drew. She was even telling Nana how to draw flowers:

Firs you go dis (draws a big line down the page). Firs you go dis (draws another line down the page). Firs you go dis circles (draws the flower on top of the stem).

Not too bad. Mommy's so proud. And she drew them for me! I'm the luckiest mother around.