Abs of Flab

I recently finally came to the conclusion that I needed to start working out. I had to finally admit that breastfeeding the second time around did NOT do the same magic as it did the first time around. By the time I had finished breastfeeding Ellie I weighed 10 pounds LESS than I did before getting pregnant. I stopped breastfeeding Addie about a month ago and I now weigh almost 30 pounds more than what I did when I stopped with Ellie almost 2.5 years ago. Now I'm not saying I feel like I NEED to lose weight. I don't like how tight my jeans are, but surprisingly I don't look at myself in the mirror and think "Dang! You're fat, Niffer!" (And if my husband disagrees, he's been kind enough to keep his mouth shut).

No, I finally decided that I need to work out because Ellie asked me if I could do a sit up. And apparently the answer to that question is NO I CAN NOT. Not a single one. She seemed confused. "No, Mommy... don't use your hands. Do it like dis!" Ha!

So yes I'd like to lose weight, but more importantly I'd like to be able to do a sit up. I'd like to be able to not worry so much about throwing out my back. I'd like to be able to wear my clothes without them feeling tight. I have no impossible expectations, such as ever being the size 4 or 6 I once was, but I don't think it's unreasonable to make my goal to fit into a size 8 comfortably.

So I joined the gym at work (GASP!) and I have participated in every class they offer for nearly 2 weeks now. Mostly they're core-building classes and let me tell you... My core is now rebelling! Did you know you use your core muscles for EVERYTHING? It hurts to sit. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to yawn. It hurts to breathe. I was even sick last week - being sick requires core muscles!!! Who knew?

I'm guessing my core doesn't approve of this new plan. No, we like our Abs of Flab just fine, thank you very much.

The end of an era

Ellie has kissed my breast 9 times in the last 12 days. Oh yes, I've been counting.

I stopped breastfeeding Addie 12 days ago and am finally almost, but not quite, pain and lump free. Go me!

When I stopped breastfeeding Ellie I was rock hard for two weeks straight. I could barely stand the touch of my shirt against my breasts, let alone anyone accidentally bumping into them. It took me over three weeks to fully recover. Crazy.

This time around, it's not nearly as bad. I wouldn't say I'm walking around with hard melons but I have been tender. And whenever Ellie accidentally bumps into me, resulting in an unexpected shriek from her Mommy, she gently kisses my breast and pats it, claiming it's now ok.

Quite honestly, I don't ever know how to respond to a child kissing my boob and patting it affectionately... so I can think of nothing to do other than to count the number of times it happens.

All Done?

I think that Addie is considering being done with this whole breast feeding thing. When we went to Maryland last week, it was hard to get her to feed because Ellie was always in the room. Her big sister is always so entertaining. But since coming back, it's been very similar. She no longer seems interested in breast feeding before taking a nap like she usually does and even the times she does feed, it seems to lack the same sort of enthusiasm.

My goal was to pump and feed until she was 12 months, so I'm close. I was going to keep up the morning and bedtime feedings until she was about 13 months old. That's what I did for Ellie. But if she's not interested, we may be ending sooner than that.

This is not good. What she doesn't know is that **I** am not ready to be done with breastfeeding. Oh, sure there's the connection between mother and baby and all that sappy la-dee-da, but it really comes down to this: I have plans for these babies! I NEED these boobs. I am in two weddings in the near future and both dresses were ordered FOR THESE BOOBS. I'm guessing that neither bride would appreciate being upstaged by one of their bridesmaids suddenly turning the wedding into a topless form of entertainment.

So, my dear Addie, you CAN NOT give up on me yet! Mommy needs you. Mommy NEEDS these boobs! These boobs and I have obligations we HAVE to meet. Don't let us down (both figuratively and literally).

Niffer pumps 10 oz!!!

We're in the process of changing Addie's sleeping habits and as a result, I just pumped 10 oz of milk. How does that make Niffer feel?

The laws of pumping

Can anyone explain to me why if I pump 4 times (once every 2.5 hours) in a day, I can easily obtain 2 oz more milk than if I were to pump 5 times (once every 2 hours) in a day???

P.S. My apologies for needing to turn on the word recognition in order for you to post a comment. I have just been getting way too many spam comments lately.

Big Sister Quote of the Day XX

"No, Addie. You can't have peas for dinner. You too little. You only eat milk from Mommy's boo-boos... And you haffa be ree-a ree-a careful wif Mommy's boo-boos."

Today's deep thought

I've figured out why babies insist on pooping while they breastfeed. They need to plug the top hole in order to build up the pressure needed to clear out the bottom hole!

UGH! JUST EAT!!!

It's amazing how frustrating it can be for a breastfeeding mother to try to feed a baby who seems hungry but won't eat. UGH!!! Don't you know it's bedtime and if you don't eat, you don't sleep! EAT! JUST EAT!

This frustrating moment brought to you by the letter J and the number 8.

Ellie Pumps Too

It occurred to me that many of the stories of being a big sister and helping out with the baby are all experiences that Addie will most likely NOT have. These are stories that only Ellie can give me. That seems to make them all the more dear, don't you think?

The other day Gramma was with us and she helped feed Addie a bottle. Ellie got excited and said "Oh, I know! You feed your baby and I feed my baby, ok?" Then she turned to me and was concerned that there weren't enough babies for Mommy to have one to feed and so she reminded me that I could pump instead.

So I pumped.

Ellie got bored with feeding her baby and decided that she, too, needed to pump for when someone else wanted to feed her baby instead. So, she took her toy bottle and stuck it into her belly button and said "I'm pumping too, Mommy!" After I stopped laughing, she looked down and said "I see milk!" and then after a couple minutes, she decided that bottle was full and swapped it out with another one.

Ellie will be a good Mommy some day.

Comparison

I've been meaning to write this post for a long time now but I kept waiting for Addie to reach her "fussy" stage. However, babies are supposed to reach the peak of their fussiness at the age of 6 weeks, and Addie is almost there. Does that mean this is the fussiest she will get? Let's hope so!

Anyway, I know parents aren't supposed to compare their children, but here is a comparison for those of you who are asking...

- Addie was, from the beginning, by far more alert than Ellie was.
- Addie pees during a diaper change much more often than Ellie did.
- Addie is a much stronger sucker than Ellie was, she even hurts my finger!
- Addie is by far a much better breastfeeder, though Ellie put in the hard work.
- Addie seems to be gaining weight quicker than Ellie, though I never kept track.
- Addie has no problem with the bottle, but Ellie thought it was the devil.
- Addie does not mind the car seat, but Ellie thought she was placed in hell.
- Addie cries like a cute baby should, but Ellie could (and did) make your eardrums crackle.
- Addie cries far less often than Ellie ever did.
- Addie calms down quicker and easier than Ellie did.
- Addie allows you to hold her without needing to stand and rock like Ellie did.
- Addie spits up and pukes much much more than Ellie ever did.
- Addie wakes up when she poops or pukes, but I don't recall Ellie having that problem.
- Addie is a much louder sleeper than Ellie ever was.
- Addie shows the proper signs of getting tired, but Ellie never did.
- Addie is by far easier to put to sleep than Ellie ever was (a result of the above).
- Addie doesn't sleep well (duration) yet, but I don't recall how Ellie was sleeping at this point.

So, in conclusion, Addie is by far less fussy but by far more messy than Ellie ever was.

Ellie finds Mommie's breast pump

Ellie: Mommy, you wanna hump?
Mommy: Wha? Huh?
Ellie: Do you need a hump?
Mommy: Not now. I'm not in the mood.
Ellie: Huh?

Sleep deprived Niffer gets a massage

During my 10 minute drive home, I made 3 wrong turns. That's 3 of 5 turns - which obviously extended my arrival time by quite a bit.

Once home, I found a hungry baby patiently (somewhat) waiting to be fed. I thought to myself, "Addie is hungry. I should prepare a bottle for her." So I went to the freezer, took out 4 oz of pumped milk, thawed it, put it in the bottle (which I struggled with figuring out how it worked) and handed it to Michael.

His response?

"Why didn't you just breast feed her?"

Doh! I wondered why it felt like I had never put together a bottle before.

Incredible Mom

As of last night, I've changed my mind on what super hero power I would choose. I now want to have the super stretchy power that Mrs. Incredible had. I'm willing to bet she was able to breastfeed her baby in the other room without ever leaving bed!

DIY Miracle Latch

When I was breastfeeding Ellie, I recall having a few "Miracle Latches." These were latches that I literally could not feel at all. It was incredible how different they were from the typical (not even necessarily painful) latches that I experienced. I had no idea what made a certain latch a Miracle Latch, because as far as I could tell, I was always doing the same thing.

Now I know the secret, and you too can have Miracle Latches every time you breastfeed, if you follow my 10-step program. Never again will you have to suffer from painful latches, or even withstand a slightly uncomfortable latch. With my 10-step program, you can welcome Miracle Latches into your daily routine and say goodbye to all others.

Here's what you do:

Step 1: Wait for Baby to be hungry.
Step 2: Take hungry Baby* and place her on changing table.
Step 3: Take a nasal spray bottle and position tip at one of Baby's nose nostrils.
Step 4: Squeeze the bottle while holding Baby's head still with your second hand.
Step 5: Quickly position spray bottle at the tip of Baby's second nose nostril.
Step 6: Repeat Step 4.
Step 7: For best results, repeat Steps 4-6 until Baby is candy apple red from screaming.
Step 8: Pick Baby up from changing table and sit in a comfortable chair.
Step 9: Insert boob into large opening located just below Baby's nose.
Step 10: Sit back, relax and enjoy your very own Miracle Latch.


* Disclaimer: If you want to have a legit excuse for those who ask later, it is best if the baby has a stuffed nose to begin with. Then no one will ask pesky questions like "Why? Why? Why?"

Tough questions

Someone posted the following comment the other day:

"So how is this new baby? You've haven't written much about her. Are you so in love with her tiny fingers and toes? Who do you think she looks like? And little peeks of her personality coming through? How's she sleeping? She's just beautiful and has a beautiful name."

I'm sure that the person had no idea how difficult those questions are to answer right now, but I will try.

First of all, I haven't written much about the baby simply because there isn't much to say at the moment. At two and a half weeks, she still does very little other than sleep, poop and eat. That doesn't leave much to say, does it?

I think the difficult thing about the questions is the assumption that I'm simply in love with little Addie. It's an easy assumption to make, but I don't think I know any parent who fell in love with their baby from the very start. That's not to say I don't love Addie - but I'm not IN LOVE with her.

I think it's difficult to be absolutely in love with someone who causes you pain. Addie, like her sister, is causing me pain with breastfeeding. And, like any newborn, she steals my precious sleep. Things are always more difficult to deal with when you're sleep deprived.

I know that it takes many new moms by surprise that they don't instantly bond with their baby. I think this time around, I have a head start because at least I don't miss feeling her inside of me like I did with Ellie (I guess me not bonding with the pregnancy was a blessing in disguise).

So, no, I'm not head over heals in love with Addie yet, but I can say that I'm absolutely in love with the idea of the future with her. I'm not sure when I finally realized I was head over heals for Ellie. Was it her first smile at 6 weeks? Was it her first giggle at 4 months? I seem to recall my trip out to CO at 4 months was the first time I felt like I really clicked with Ellie. Was it then? Was it when she stopped being difficult when she learned how to crawl? Who really knows. I just know it happened eventually and it didn't happen instantly.

I wonder if there are mothers out there who really do fall in love the moment they meet their baby. I wonder if those are the rare few who don't have problems with breastfeeding? I wonder if they just don't remember the early days and therefore think they always had the feelings they do now.

But to be fair, you didn't really ask that, did you? Now that I read the comment again, you asked if I was in love with her toes and fingers - not her. LOL. Go figure. I should probably stop being so defensive and actually answer your questions now...

Yes, her toes and fingers are adorable. When you compare them to Ellie's newborn prints, it's amazing how much bigger Ellie's prints are. I forgot how absolutely tiny their little digits are!

We think she looks exactly like Ellie. I'm anxious to compare pictures and I've made it my goal to try to get similar ones for a fair comparison. I've been told that she looks like me, though. I don't think anyone has mentioned her looking like Michael.

She's much more alert than Ellie was. So far, she seems to like to look around and look at people. She doesn't mind being put down for a while, so that gives us hope that she'll be easier than Ellie. However, we remember the first month of Ellie's life being pretty easy too, and then the fit hit the shan.

Addie isn't sleeping terribly, but she's not sleeping well either. She sleeps for 2 hour naps during the day and 3-4 hour chunks at night. It's hard to remember that, though, because the night hours fly by so much quicker.

And thanks for the compliments on the name! I'm quite fond of both of the names we ended up with for our daughters. Yay!

Fear the mouth

WARNING: This is another TMI post. If you think you might be squeamish about breastfeeding, then please feel free to come back another day.

If there was one thing I wished for in Baby Vincent II, it would be that the breastfeeding would go better. No, wait. I guess I wished for a lot of things. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how we survived Baby Ellie.

Anyway... Let's stick with the breastfeeding. I wrote about my first experience with breastfeeding Ellie, and I am constantly reminding myself that this time around is so much better.

Be it because I didn't have an epidural during this birth, or maybe that Addie wasn't quite as jaundice as Ellie was, or maybe they just have different personalities, but Addie was by far more alert than Ellie from the very beginning. Combine that with the fact that she is a little bigger than her older sister, and her older sister "prepped" my nipples for feeding... Feeding Addie has gone significantly better than Ellie.

With Ellie, we were in the hospital for 4 days. Addie was home after just a single day. When I think about where Addie was at 4 days, it boggles my mind how much further we were. At 4 days old, a typical baby is expected to gain 0.5-1.0 oz a day, but Addie had gained 6 oz in just two days! At 4 days, we had 4 days of successful breastfeeding behind us. With Ellie, we hadn't even had a successful latch.

When I think about it in terms of comparing the two, I am reminded that we're weeks, if not months ahead of the game. However, it's hard to remember that things are going better when they're still not going well.

Five days into breastfeeding was my low point. I had cracks in my nipples that were so deep that every time Addie fed, she'd draw blood and would spit it up a few minutes later. If there is one thing about early motherhood that I will always be impressed with, it's the fact that nipples can heal. Think about it - it's not like you can say "Oh, just give me a few days to recover and I'll be back on track afterward!" No, these are wounds that are reopened every 2-3 hours. And that takes a toll on you. Yet they heal. Amazing.

I will always be in awe at how difficult breastfeeding can be. You'd think that since every baby in history has had to depend on it, then it would come more naturally. I have a great deal of amazement for those few that I know who had no problems breastfeeding at all. How they do it is beyond me. I guess that explains why Wet Nurses were so popular in the past!

I am happy to say that only two weeks in, I'm definitely over the hump. My low point was at 5 days and I did question whether or not it was worth continuing. The fact that I could look back at my first month with Ellie and remind myself that it was so much worse then, yet I got over it, kept me going this time.

It's not perfect yet. Feeding Addie still hurts for the first couple of sucks of each latch, but then I'm fine. Two weeks and I feel like I'm where Ellie and I were at 2 months. So there is hope yet. I just look forward to the day when I don't have to fear my baby's mouth anxiously awaiting and grabbing for the boob. Scary.

Milking it for all it's worth

I have a fellow Mommy-friend from Maryland who had her daughter a couple months before Ellie was born. She also recently had her second child, a little boy. I finally heard back from her about how she's doing since her boy was born. I wanted to hear more about what she was experiencing, in hopes of better preparing myself for the months to come.

She is having a really hard time. The baby experience, itself, is easier because she's not as stressed. She's not sure what to give credit to, whether it be because she is less nervous being a 2nd time mom, or because she has the knowledge of how short this time really is, or because her little one just is different than her daughter.

Where she is struggling, though, is with her daughter. Her daughter is having a really hard time with the baby. She wouldn't even look at her Mommy while at the hospital. Her sleep is way off. She's really frustrated and her Daddy can't seem to do anything with her.

I'm saddened to hear that her daughter is having such a hard time with the transition. I was so hoping for a happier success story, like my friend in New Mexico.

Then I continued to read... "I'm losing a lot of weight because I'm tandem nursing..."

Huh? Woah! Wait!

I'm all for nursing a baby and I certainly think it's the healthiest thing for a young infant. I ended up nursing Ellie for about 13 months and I know many of my fellow Mommy friends nursed longer (some shorter). I'm not sure at which age I start to lose my level of comfort for the idea of breastfeeding, but if I were to put my finger on an age now I'd say it would have to be when the baby is up and running around, or talking.

Two years and eight months is definitely beyond my level of comfort. I know each mother thinks differently about the topic, and I don't mean to be critical of my friend. I do, however, wonder how much that plays part in her daughter having such a hard time with the new baby. I can only assume that if she's still breast-feeding her daughter, it's not all the time. I'd assume that the baby needs to be fed more often. Wouldn't that create more jealousy in the little girl, when she knows that is her milk!

Breastfeeding is such a personal thing and creates such a special bond between baby and mother, and becoming an older sibling must be incredibly frustrating on its own. I can't help but wonder if it's more difficult on her little girl because she has to share even that special bond with the baby.

Hmm... I'm really just rambling. I am not trying to be judgmental at all, but am thinking out loud of reasons why I need to calm down and let Ellie surprise me with her acceptance of our new baby. She's going to be great! Right?

Someone let the air out

Imagine two big balloons. Imagine letting them go and they fly around, every which direction as the air escapes. In the end, you're left with two floppy balloons, barely able to keep a shape of their own.

That's how I feel. It's been exactly two weeks since I quit breast feeding my not-so-little little one. And tonight I am almost, but not quite, completely lump-free. Who would have thought that it would take TWO FREAKIN' WEEKS!! to return to normal?

"Return to normal?" That's a strange thought. My mom tells me that she went flat after breast feeding my sister. I can relate. I definitely look down at myself and wonder what the hell happened. Where did they go? Anyone down there? Hello?

However, my sweet husband assures me that I am still sexy even though I'm flat chested and have grey hair (that's for another day... or maybe never at all). He also claims that I have just returned to the size I was before getting pregnant. How is that possible? Seriously?

I guess he has a point, though. Afterall, my old bras still fit me and are still just as uncomfortable as they were years ago. Think about that comment. Years ago. It has been almost two years since I have been this small. Isn't that a crazy thought! It's been two years since before I was pregnant!!!

I wonder if that's all there is to it. Maybe I am not so small after all. I am just accustomed to being so freaking big. Maybe my mom didn't go flat after breast feeding either. Maybe she just got accustomed to being larger as well.

Umm... Nope. That's not it. These two just aren't the same as they used to be. I no longer have the breasts of a younger lady. I have the breasts of a mother. I am honored.

Boob warning

I apologize for not writing much lately but only one thing has been on my mind. It has now been 7 days since I quit breastfeeding and I am still in semi-major discomfort. Here is a partial list of some of the things that have crossed my mind in the last week.

- Ouch.
- How is it possible that I am being elbowed by my own elbows?
- I wonder what my boobs are thinking right now... Where is my baby! Give her back, she's hungry; I know it!
- Hey, stranger, who "innocently" rubbed up against me... DON'T MESS WITH ME!!!
- I wonder what my coworkers would think if I started massaging my breasts during this meeting.
- Beautiful weather, wonderful hike... Hey, doesn't everyone hold their boobs while hiking? It's a bumpy path!
- What are the boobs thinking now... If I store milk here, would Baby find it? What about here? No? Then here? Oh! What about up by the shoulder? Maybe around towards the back a little?
- Ahhh... nice hot bath.
- It would be horrible to have to go through this sort of withdrawal because of the death of a baby (enter 5 minute crying session here).
- Step away from the boobs.
- Hands off.
- That means you, too, Ellie.
- What the boobs! No, silly. Don't WATCH the boobs. Just watch out for them.
- Ahhhh.... nice hot bath.
- I wonder if I could still breast feed now. Would it make the pain all go away?
- Don't do it, Jen! Stay strong!
- Does Ellie remember breast feeding?
- Mmmmm.... would you like one or two lumps with your milk?
- Ugh.
- I'm done with this.
- Ok. Enough. Really. It's enough.
- Hey! Are you two listening? ENOUGH!!!

Love me tender, love me lumpy

Would it *really* be that bad if I nursed her until she graduates?