Wordless Wednesday

Back to work

Today I finish my first week back to work full-time. I was working three days a week so that I could spend some one-on-one time with Baby Addie. That bonding time was nearly impossible to get with Ellie around (Ellie went to school full-time). I wanted to give Addie the same attention I was able to give Ellie.

But my special time with Addie came to end. I never really wanted to work part-time forever. On one hand, the thought of spending a day every week with just me and one of my girls (if I continued part-time, I'd do one day with each), I know the "stay at home" gig is not right for me.

I'm a much better Mommy when I'm not around my girls all the time. Seriously, I feel like it allows me to notice the small things that I love to write about so much. If I was around them 24/7 I think the annoyances of raising small children might over-shadow the great details I want to remember.

But I digress. How was my first week back? Ugh. I don't know. I can tell you that I haven't found that jackpot of motivation to go out and make a great impression. Maybe I'll find that on Monday morning. I suppose it hasn't been too bad. It helps that I updated all my pictures in my cube (yes, it took me an entire year to get pictures of Addie in our house or in my office... but it's done!).

But I miss them. I miss them both dearly. And there was one question that crossed my mind more than once this week... When can this Niffer retire???

Getting closer and closer

The prosthetic arm project I worked on is getting closer and closer to becoming an actual product. Exciting! Check it out here.

WOW! I say WOW!!!

Check it out! The Prosthetics program that I was a part of in MD has made it to the cover of National Geographic! How awesome is that?!?

I have to say that I have mixed feelings about that project. I have never before, and most likely never will again, had an opportunity to be involved in such an important project. Imagine the number of lives that can and will be changed with this new "bionic arm"?!? As an engineer, you can not ask for a more rewarding program.

Or can you? I was only involved at the beginning of the game. I helped design one of the nodes that moved the wrist and the node that would provide tactile feedback to the patient - way back when the Revolutionizing Prosthetics 2009 program started in 2006. Unfortunately it was such an aggressive program that it burnt out a lot of fantastic engineers. I "got out" just in time because Ellie was born the Spring of 2007 and we moved back to Colorado to be closer to family in early 2008.

I didn't get burnt out. It's a shame when I think of the effect that this program had on some of my amazing colleagues, but what do they think now? They're on the cover of National Geographic! Look at what their hard work has resulted in?! People said it couldn't be done. I'm not sure how many of us engineers believed we could actually do it, but we did. Or they did - finished what I started.

Part of me wishes I had stayed to the end of the project, but I know that I would have been burnt out too. Who knows what kind of effect it would have had on my family life. A demanding project like that does not mesh well with starting a new family. But I can not express how proud I am that I was involved, even if just at the beginning, and how proud I am of those I used to work next to for pulling it all off. There are some amazing engineers out there and I had the honor of being in their presence, and possibly even considered as one of them.

I hope my daughters are proud of their Mommy. I'm sure they'll be proud of their Daddy because he does all sorts of things for NASA (the only way you can get cooler than that is if you're an actual astronaut), but maybe they will look at this one piece of technology and know that once upon a time, their Mommy wasn't too shabby either.

FMLA Lessons... continued...

Michael also learned his own FMLA lessons. He is planning on taking a bunch of his vacation to help take care of the baby during the initial few weeks. However, he learned that since there is a baby involved, he needs to get approval from the VP to use his vacation. Apparently since there is a baby involved, it is suddenly FMLA. If he chose to go on a 3-week backpacking trip, then no big deal. But he needs permission to take off 3 weeks for the baby. What gives?

FMLA Lessons for the Family Priority

It's been a frustrating week for me because I've been discovering all sorts of misconceptions I had about my maternity leave. I'm tired of going into HR to clarify things and leaving feeling like I asked a lot of questions and am understanding the policies correctly... only to find out that I was completely wrong.

Here are the lessons I've learned for wanting to maximize the time you have with your family, for those of you who want to benefit from them:

1. Those who use all their vacation time AND THEN have a family emergency that requires unpaid personal time off deserve more total time with their families than those who are dedicated to their work and chose not to take their vacation before having said emergency.

2. Those who use all their vacation time AND THEN have go on FMLA for their precious new-born baby deserve more total time with their families than those who were purposefully saving vacation time in hopes of spending more time with the baby.

3. Those who are unfortunate enough to give birth to a baby at the very end of a planned vacation (before returning to work) deserve the least amount of time with the baby. Their babies aren't as cute as the others and thus don't deserve the same consideration.

4. If you expect HR to explain things like this to you, then you're just an idiot who doesn't appreciate how good you have it. Who are you to be nit-picky with your priorities and how much time you can be with your family? You're no one. Suck it up and get over it.

5. When ironing out the finer details of maternity leave, it is wise to remember to bring a box of Kleenex and remind everyone that you're hormonal and pregnant. Remember, HR isn't attacking you personally. They're just attacking your baby. Obviously they would have no reason to do so if you were smart enough to have the baby at the beginning of the year instead of towards the end. It's your fault. Not theirs.

Strange job change for Daddy

Daddy is in Maryland right now for his job. To be more specific, he is at JHU/APL, where we used to work. You heard me right. When we were at APL, he was working on the New Horizons mission that went to Pluto (launched a few years ago). As a side note, for those who don't know, I worked for Homeland Protection Programs and a really cool Prosthetic Program, but I digress. Anyway, he worked on New Horizons because APL was subcontracted to build the spacecraft and conduct flight missions from their flight mission room (duh). However, it was SwRI who owned the program and it is SwRI who he works for now. So he's out in MD, working at the place he used to work at, with the people he used to work with, but doesn't anymore.

It's a strange feeling for him, I'm sure. It must feel weird to be back at the place you loved working, with the people you loved working with, knowing that it's not your home anymore. And for me, it's weird too, to know that he's out there without me. It makes me feel like we should all be out there. I guess that goes to show that wherever you end up making your first home, it will always have a soft spot in your heart.

Ellicott City was where Michael and I started (even if we met at CU in Boulder). We loved cute town hunting. We loved the coffee shop. We loved everything about Ellicott City (except that it wasn't in CO). We bought our first house out there, gutted it and made it ours. Even more so than our current home, the one in Ellicott City felt like *OURS*. We started our family there. Even though we replaced the carpet when we moved in, two years later the only spot that was worn down was right in front of the crib. It was where our family began.

So it's weird for him to be out there without me. It almost seems wrong. I think usually when you leave a place behind, it's just that... behind you. Oh, sure, you may visit every now and then, but it's not a part of your life anymore. It's a part of your past. So, for APL to still be a part of Michael's life is strange for both of us. It almost makes us feel like we should still be there.

That and he told me that they now have a Chik-Fil-A right across the street from APL! ARGH! Now that's just plain hurtful and make me really want to move back! Why did he have to tell me that????

Niffer's Bubble

I had my little bubble that I lived in popped today. Or at least temporarily so.

I lost my cell phone at work yesterday, which drove me crazy because it wasn't like I to go a lot of different areas at work. I'm at my desk, in the lab, or in the bathroom. Anyway, today Michael discovered that it was used to call a couple numbers yesterday afternoon. When he tried to call those numbers, someone answered in Spanish. Now I don't want to point fingers, but since the bathroom is where I originally thought I left it, I can't help but assume the cleaning lady took it.

At this point, I have deactivated the phone and so it is useless to whoever has it. I hope that means it will be turned into lost and found, but who am I kidding? If you stole something and then it became useless, what would you do? I think I'd toss it in the trash. Get rid of any evidence.

Beyond the obvious annoyance on dealing with the numbers and pictures I've lost, I'm finding myself quite disappointed. I am one of those people who typically assumes the best in people. I tend to give someone my respect as soon as I meet them. They don't have to prove to me that they are a good person. In fact, it usually takes a lot to convince me they're not.

So when I'm experiencing something like this, it makes my heart hurt. I try to see the best in people and treat them like I would like to be treated. And stealing from someone is definitely not something I would ever consider doing. Period.

Yet I still find myself hoping that they have a good heart. Maybe they can't afford a phone themselves. Who can blame them for wanting one? Maybe now that it's useless to them, they will do the right thing and turn it in to lost and found. They are good people too, right? I certainly hope so because if they don't then I will find myself giving the cleaning lady the evil eye for quite some time!

Sometimes I find it hard to not get discouraged about the world that I'm raising my daughter in. My friend just posted about how her son can't give hugs at school because PDAs aren't allowed. People steal. People hurt others. People lie. People cheat. I hope that I can still manage to show Ellie that the world is good and that people are good, but I do wonder at what point will she learn that not everyone is nice? When will her perfect little, innocent bubble pop? And will I be present to offer a bandaid to help it heal?

Working Full-Time (A Venting Session)

I'm beginning to get a feeling for the main disadvantages for working full time.

A bit of a background... We really want to put Ellie-Belly into foreign language classes. We feel like it is important to try to expose her to other languages, and ideally have her end up at least bilingual.

My frustration is that all the cool things for kids (toddlers included) are during the day. Now I understand that the teachers probably have their own families at home too, but surely there are teachers out there willing to have classes in the evening. Afterall, it's really only a couple hours a week!

But I work during the day and so even though I have these desires to include Ellie in things like Spanish classes or nature classes, I can't because I am working.

UGH! Sometimes I really feel like the world caters to stay-at-home-mothers.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

There are a few examples of decisions that I've made in my life that I wonder what Ellie will think of if she were to learn about them when she gets older. One of those would be this recent decision to change jobs after having accepted a different offer. In the end, I know I made it very difficult for the small company because they have a big deadline September 1st, and they have been waiting for me to start work for almost a month now. They could have been looking for someone during that time, and that's a lot of time when you have so much to do with such a short deadline.

I wonder if Ellie will appreciate how it was a difficult decision for me to make and if she will think I made the right one. Or, if she'd even care. I guess that's an option too.

I just hope that this decision really is what is best for my family and that it won't come back to bite me in the future, like Ellie being diagnosed with ADD sometime.*


* Disclaimer - I'm really not that pessimistic, but I do feel bad for what I have done to this small company.

Scapegoat

Everyone needs someone to blame for their problems or even their decisions, right?

My scapegoat has become my daughter.

I got a job offer today. Huh? Yes that's right. I got a job offer even though I already accepted a job. This second job seems to be a fantastic fit for me. However, even putting that aside, there are a lot of pluses to it that the job I accepted just can't beat:

Advantages to second job (compared to the job I accepted)
- Higher base salary (10% higher)
- 5% Bonus (no bonus)
- 3 weeks vacation, don't keep track of sick leave (3 weeks personal leave total)
- 5% 401k contribution (no 401k)
- 5k Flexible spending accounts for healthcare and daycare (none)
- 6-8 weeks paid maternity leave (leave w/o pay)
- FMLA leave for 12 additional weeks (too small to comply w/ FMLA)

I think it's a no brainer. The only problem is that the job that I have already accepted is also a fantastic opportunity. It's an interesting project that will really make a huge impact on childrens' lives in the future. It would be a good experience. And I LOVE the people.

This second job offer also has people who I think I would like and it would also be a good opportunity. But... I hate to tell this small company that I am going to quit the job I just accepted.

But really, can you blame me? In the end, isn't this second job (forget the fact that I think it's a better fit in general) the best thing for my family because of everything they are able to offer? Am I not obligated to do what's best for my family? Or is that just my excuse to justify me being greedy?

Mommy's on her way

I once thought that an hour commute to work would be no big issue. It never bothered me driving an hour to get anywhere. Maybe it's that I'm just used to spending every day with my precious little one, but this 45 minute commute to my temporary job is KILLING me!!! And every day!!! UGH!

I basically turned down a job today. Not really, but I called to cancel a job interview. It was for a company in Ft. Collins, which is an hour away. If you don't believe me (the company didn't), look on Mapquest or Google. An hour. AN HOUR. That's 15 minutes longer than 45 minutes!

No way. No way. Please, please, please can I just have a nice local job within 5 minutes from daycare? Better yet, do you think the daycare has a need for an electrical engineer? And while I'm asking, how about a part-time electrical engineer? That would be nice.

Speeding Ticket

I started a temporary job today.

On the way back, I got a speeding ticket. The police officer asked me if there was a reason I was driving so fast. What could I tell him?

Uh, yeah... I'm rushing to see my husband for lunch in time to rush home and clean our apartment in time to rush over and pick up my daughter from her first day of daycare, who I am sure has grown another 2 months since the last time I saw her!!!

Ugh. Suck it up, Niffer, and pay the damn fine!!!

Unemployed Mother

Let me tell you, without going into any details, this whole "take care of an infant and look for a job at the same time" is not meshing well with my "Oh $#!+ I'm unemployed" mindset!!!

An Honest Moment

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I love that quote. Always have and always will.

I have a friend who asked me to keep her informed on how having a baby affects my career and today I have come across a related dilemma. It's no secret that I want to move back to Colorado. I have always wanted to be close to my family and friends when I raise my children and now that I am a mother, obviously that time is approaching, if not already here.

However, as you will soon see... it's not easy leaving. Take a look at the videos I've added to the right of my blog. They are videos of the prosthetic arms that I worked on. I wish I could show you some better ones, but alas I'm sadly restricted to only what's available in the public domain (and to be honest, I was surprised to see so much because a couple of these were only presented a month ago and only in one location).

Point is this... You have to admit that a project like that is a "once in a life time" sort of thing to work on. How rewarding it is to see Jesse and Claudia move their arms like that again! It's humbling to know that I was involved in making it happen. I doubt anyone can watch those videos and blame me for extending my stay in Maryland like I have.

Yesterday the Branch Head held a meeting and talked about the upcoming projects we are going to be involved in. Many of them are extentions of the prosthetic arm (there are so many applications for this new technology!) but there are other extremely interesting projects as well. And they all fit under the "do the world good by improving the quality of life" category that makes my soul sing.

So, my friend, I must tell you that the biggest way in which having a baby is affecting my career is just that... do I choose my family or do I choose to save the world? It's a tough one. Really. I wouldn't want to have to be the one to decide. Would you?

Life as a working cow

Well, I'm starting my third week of work and I bet you're wondering what I think of being back and since it's Monday morning I will try to keep it short:

1. I miss Ellie. It is so hard for me to wait the entire 8 hours before leaving to pick her up again. I doubt this surprises anyone.

2. Pumping bites. I'm pumping every hour or two. How am I supposed to get anything done with a schedule like that? I can see why a lot of working moms give up breast feeding. I feel like the only thing I've accomplished at work is pumping 15 oz every day. Moo.

3. I think daycare is good for Ellie because, in general, she's been a lot easier to get to smile since starting daycare. So yay!

4. It's very apparent that I have already lost a good portion of my adult vocabulary. When I talk to Ellie, she doesn't care what I say. Heck, she doesn't even care if I say real words, just as long as the sound that comes out is entertaining. This method doesn't work so well when conversing with coworkers.

5. I'm bored. Things are slow at work and I haven't gotten any real project to work on yet. Do you realize how long the day is when you're bored?

6. It's too bad there isn't a sleep budget I can charge to when I'm feeling exhausted from dealing with a baby that doesn't sleep nearly as well as I know she's capable of.

7. I was hoping to make it to 10 things on this list, but like I said, it's Monday morning and I have a baby who doesn't sleep like I know she's capable of. Give me a break.

Job Hunting

Searching for a new job in a new state with a new baby is not exactly the easiest thing to do. To date I've applied to 2 jobs and sent my resume to another company. Not too shabby for a month and a half of searching. Michael has even applied to a couple himself, but he's got it even worse than I do because he doesn't get hour-long nap times to quickly search for openings while he's at work. Silly employers expecting their current employees to work.

It's enough to make me cry

OK, just a quick post since I already wrote one this morning....

Part of the status report of the prosthetic limb we delivered for my project says the following:

Jesse grabbed a quarter, put it in a slot, picked up is hat and put it on, then took it off, shook people’s hands, and generally was a good showman. He expressed his enthusiasm for the project and for this type of prosthetic in particular; he said that an arm like this one would make it possible for a person like himself to do many things by himself that currently require assistance. He then said that if he could take it home, he would.

A bit of background - Jesse is the man who is testing our prosthetic arm. He lost his arms a while ago in an electrical accident. I'm sure many of you have seen him on TV. I've mentioned him once or twice before.

Anyway, it's easy to understand just how difficult some of those movements are for someone with a prosthetic arm to do (especially Jesse, who is missing both arms). And the fact that he was able to do those things on just his second day with the arm... well it's just amazing. It's mind-boggling really. I mean think about what this arm is going to mean to a man like Jesse!

And to know that I was involved in making it happen... well it seriously has brought tears to my eyes.

The Future is Here!

Not that this has anything to do with the baby, but I thought it might interest some people to see the project that I'm working on.

PBS recently aired a pilot documentary titled "Science Investigators". In the pilot segment, there is a brief overview of the DARPA program I'm working on with some nice human interest coverage of the Walter Reed Program and of Jesse Sullivan (the patient who will be evaluating our limb over the next few weeks).

Anyway, check it out...
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/si/
Chapter 5 "Building a Bionic Arm"

It's strange to think that I'm involved in something that seems so "out there" when it comes to cutting edge technology. Do you know what I mean? This is one of those things that you never think you know the people working on it because they must be the smartest people in the world. Yet, here I am... one of them... or at least I'm trying to convince people I'm one of the smartest people in the world. lol. Do you think my baby will believe my act?*


* Sneaky, eh? Did you see how I twisted this around to make it about my baby after all? Hehehe.

Life Is Precious

Things have been pretty stressful for a lot of people at work lately. We have some major deadlines coming up (New Year's Eve), so everyone has been running around like crazy trying to get stuff done. Then, after the deadline, we don't have a moment to relax because while everyone is so busy working, they are simultaneously falling behind for the next deadline. It's a vicious cycle, really. But the end result will be more than worth the effort because it's going to change so many people's lives. Big time.

This week started off on a very bad note when we found out that a coworker committed suicide over the weekend. Without going into too many details, it has taken everyone by surprise, as such a thing probably almost always does. Being my emotional pregnant self, I had a difficult time Monday and Tuesday. However, I called many of my closest friends and family to tell them I loved them and that helped.*

Now onto the happier, pregnant side of the story... I do not know if I am just imagining it or not, maybe the timing is just coincidental, but it seems like my baby took that sad moment as an opportunity to remind me that life is precious. It seems that since Monday the baby has been super-active. If I sit down and pay attention, I can usually feel him kick at least once every few minutes. I love it!

This, combined with the fact that I've started my scrapbook by making a family tree, has resulted in me thinking a lot about my grandparents. I can't help but wish all the grandparents could be around to meet their new great-grandchild**, but I suppose that's how the circle of life works.


* If I didn't call you, please don't take it personally. I'm sure that if you're reading this blog, I love you very much and appreciate having you in my life. =)

** I am, however, extremely excited for the remaining grandparents to meet Baby Vincent. I can't wait to take those pictures!