I know you can do the math, but that's 8 freakin' hours!  Incredible, huh?  You'd think that I would be well-rested after such a sleeping period, but you'd be wrong.**  
I woke up about 2:45am, which started a thought process similar to the following:
-  Wow, what time is it?  The baby should be waking up soon.
-  Holly milking cow, it's almost 3:00!  That's 2-3 hours longer than usual!
-  Yep, definitely longer than usual.  My boobs are huge.
-  Actually, quite huge.
-  Painfully huge.
-  The baby must be dead.
-  Nope, I heard a moan.  Good, she'll be waking up soon.
-  Or not.
-  Damn boobs.  Whose idea was it to have breasts store milk?  Why not have them make milk when milk is demanded?
-  No one ever told me that breasts could get rock hard AND lumpy!  Gross. 
-  Why isn't she awake yet?
-  I wonder how painful it is for a milk cow to not get milked. 
-  Poor cows.
-  Damn this hurts.
-  Ugh...  and now I've done it.  Just thinking about milking has opened the dams.
-  I can't believe it's 3:15 and she's still sleeping!
-  And look at my sweet husband, sleeping peacefully as well.
-  Damn him and his breastless chest.
-  He can even sleep on his stomach, but does he?  No.  What a waste.
-  I wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep on my stomach again.
-  OH MY GOD!!!  I must have milk stored all the way around to my backside!!!
-  I bet I could pump a gallon.
-  Hmm...  pumping.  That sounds so nice.
-  3:30...  MUST GET MILK OUT OF ME!!!
-  Ok, let's compromise?  Maybe pump just one side?  There's plenty for the baby from the other side, I swear.
-  3:45...  Wow.  What a relief.  I love my pump.
-  5 oz from a single breast?  Have I said MOO lately?
-  I CAN NOT BELIEVE SHE'S STILL SLEEPING!!!
-  4:00...  It's about time!  Of course, you're hungry, little girl...  I could have told you that!
**  Update:  After a couple more similarly painful nights, my breasts and Ellie have finally agreed on a schedule.  For the most part, she now sleeps from 7:30/8:00 to 3:00/4:00.  Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
 
 
2 comments:
this is a hysterical post. thanks!
Ah shucks. Thanks!
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