Life is good - need sleep

Some of the best people in my life have commented that based on my blog, I seem sad. Thank you guys so much for your concern!!!

I'm certainly not sad, though. I have the most wonderful husband and adorable little big sister girl, and a baby who is already growing so quickly that I hardly recognize her sometimes. Life is good and is only going to get better.

This morning Ellie covered Baby Addie up with a blanket because she thought it was cold. I love seeing her take care of her baby sister like that and I'm really looking forward to seeing the two of them interact in the future. For now, though, I'm enjoying having Ellie run circles around me in the kitchen and I'm trying to soak in every moment that Baby Addie sleeps up against my chest, because I know moments like these won't last long. But they'll be replaced by better ones.

So, again thanks for your concern, but really... Niffer is a happy one right now. That being said, I certainly wouldn't turn down the opportunity for more sleep! I wonder if that's why my posts "sound sad." Maybe typing tired turns out the same as typing sad.

I'm going back to tickling my daughter now... Have a great weekend!

Tough questions

Someone posted the following comment the other day:

"So how is this new baby? You've haven't written much about her. Are you so in love with her tiny fingers and toes? Who do you think she looks like? And little peeks of her personality coming through? How's she sleeping? She's just beautiful and has a beautiful name."

I'm sure that the person had no idea how difficult those questions are to answer right now, but I will try.

First of all, I haven't written much about the baby simply because there isn't much to say at the moment. At two and a half weeks, she still does very little other than sleep, poop and eat. That doesn't leave much to say, does it?

I think the difficult thing about the questions is the assumption that I'm simply in love with little Addie. It's an easy assumption to make, but I don't think I know any parent who fell in love with their baby from the very start. That's not to say I don't love Addie - but I'm not IN LOVE with her.

I think it's difficult to be absolutely in love with someone who causes you pain. Addie, like her sister, is causing me pain with breastfeeding. And, like any newborn, she steals my precious sleep. Things are always more difficult to deal with when you're sleep deprived.

I know that it takes many new moms by surprise that they don't instantly bond with their baby. I think this time around, I have a head start because at least I don't miss feeling her inside of me like I did with Ellie (I guess me not bonding with the pregnancy was a blessing in disguise).

So, no, I'm not head over heals in love with Addie yet, but I can say that I'm absolutely in love with the idea of the future with her. I'm not sure when I finally realized I was head over heals for Ellie. Was it her first smile at 6 weeks? Was it her first giggle at 4 months? I seem to recall my trip out to CO at 4 months was the first time I felt like I really clicked with Ellie. Was it then? Was it when she stopped being difficult when she learned how to crawl? Who really knows. I just know it happened eventually and it didn't happen instantly.

I wonder if there are mothers out there who really do fall in love the moment they meet their baby. I wonder if those are the rare few who don't have problems with breastfeeding? I wonder if they just don't remember the early days and therefore think they always had the feelings they do now.

But to be fair, you didn't really ask that, did you? Now that I read the comment again, you asked if I was in love with her toes and fingers - not her. LOL. Go figure. I should probably stop being so defensive and actually answer your questions now...

Yes, her toes and fingers are adorable. When you compare them to Ellie's newborn prints, it's amazing how much bigger Ellie's prints are. I forgot how absolutely tiny their little digits are!

We think she looks exactly like Ellie. I'm anxious to compare pictures and I've made it my goal to try to get similar ones for a fair comparison. I've been told that she looks like me, though. I don't think anyone has mentioned her looking like Michael.

She's much more alert than Ellie was. So far, she seems to like to look around and look at people. She doesn't mind being put down for a while, so that gives us hope that she'll be easier than Ellie. However, we remember the first month of Ellie's life being pretty easy too, and then the fit hit the shan.

Addie isn't sleeping terribly, but she's not sleeping well either. She sleeps for 2 hour naps during the day and 3-4 hour chunks at night. It's hard to remember that, though, because the night hours fly by so much quicker.

And thanks for the compliments on the name! I'm quite fond of both of the names we ended up with for our daughters. Yay!

Big Sister Quote of the Day I

Sometimes Ellie says something regarding her baby sister that either makes us laugh or makes our hearts melt. Before I forget them, I wanted to start posting them - so for the next couple of days I'll be playing catch-up on Big Sister Quotes. Without further ado...

Oh Oh! Mommy! Baby is waking up! You need to feed her NOW!!!

A lecture on not sleeping

Wife: What time did you go to bed?
Husband: Late.
Wife: What were you doing?
Husband: (sheepishly) Watching basketball.
Wife: Basketball? You already like hockey and football.
Husband: Yeah, I know. I should have gone to bed.
Wife: Well, at least it wasn't baseball. Just so you know, I will never ever support the idea of you ever watching baseball when you should be drinking instead.
Husband: (giving me a confused look)
Wife: Uh... SLEEPING instead. You should be SLEEPING.

Cured

My mouse-o-phobia has been cured. I'm sure you're amazed and want to know how. Sleep deprivation. It does wonders to many phobias.

As I mentioned earlier, it snowed yesterday, which means the mice go searching for warm toasty places to stay... like my bedroom. As I lay in bed this morning, trying to catch up on some sleep, I looked up at the curtain to see a mouse climbing to the top. Huh, would you look at that? Did I know that mice could climb curtains? No, I certainly did not. Interesting.

Somewhere deep inside, I'm sure I'm screaming in fear.

Look at the mouse walk from one end of the rod to the other. Hey, the cute little beast wants down. It looks like it's going to jump. Huh... If it were to jump, it might end up on the bed. The very same bed I'm laying in. Interesting.

I'm sure my subconscious just peed its pants.

Oh good. The mouse has decided it's afraid of heights and is climbing down the curtain instead of jumping. Climbing down into the claws of the cats waiting patiently below. Woah! Did you see how far that mouse just jumped? Did I know mice could jump that far? I think so, but I didn't need to be reminded.

So tired... Welcome to the house, little monster mouse. Feel free to make yourself comfortable in my pile of comfy pillows. Help yourself to some tea. Perhaps you'd like to hide in one of my shoes - the ones I wear most often are quite comfy. Maybe a game or two with the cats*? I'm just going to close my eyes now and try to ignore the visions I see of you attacking me in my sleep. Night night, Mr. Mouse.


* Stupid cats. They're nothing but hissing, whining big bundles of shedding hairballs, who have no idea how to properly handle a mouse. I never thought I'd say this... but I can't stand my cats right now.

Hey, anyone want to adopt two beautiful cats?

Something's missing

Yesterday we all woke up to a beautiful snow covered world - I love how pretty the snow is right after it's fallen!

Daddy opened the door to bring Ellie to the car for school and said "Look, Ellie! It snowed!"

Ellie searched the landscape in front of the house and decided something important was missing. "Where's the snowman, Daddy?"

My boy

This is the closest I will ever come to having a son.

Some days are harder than others

I never expected this new addition to be easy on Ellie, but I have been very grateful that it's going so well. For the most part.

Ellie loves to help out with the baby. She'll help with diaper changes by handing us wipes and diapers. She likes to lay out the blanket to wrap the baby up in a swaddle. She often gives the baby hugs and kisses and tucks the baby in with her Bun-Bun Bear. If we go to the store, she'll ask us if we can bring her baby inside. And if the baby is waking up, she'll inform me "Oh, oh! Baby is waking up, Mommy! You feed her now!"

So she likes her baby. Thank God for that.

But this weekend was difficult on poor Ellie. I think it was the fact that she saw how needy the baby was through out the whole day. Before this weekend, she was just limited to seeing a couple feedings in the morning and evenings. But since she spent the entire day with us for two days in a row... it wore on her.

Last night she had a little melt down. While I was feeding Addie, Ellie got upset about something (something having to do with putting a blanket on the table and then the chair on top to sit on it???) and I couldn't calm her down. I asked Daddy to take the baby for a while and asked Ellie if she wanted to sit on my lap. She didn't waste any time crawling up and snuggling. We sat there for a good 10 or 15 minutes.

During that time I asked her if she felt like I was spending too much time with Addie. She responded with a sad "yeah." It brought tears to my eyes - or maybe they were already there. I tried to explain to her that babies take a lot of work and that if she ever feels like she needs more attention, then she needs to tell me "Mommy I need some time with you."

I hope she understands. I think she does. I spent a good part of the evening just the two of us and I think it helped. This morning she woke up as pleasant and happy as always.

I love my little girl and am so dang proud of her. I hate seeing her upset.

Fear the mouth

WARNING: This is another TMI post. If you think you might be squeamish about breastfeeding, then please feel free to come back another day.

If there was one thing I wished for in Baby Vincent II, it would be that the breastfeeding would go better. No, wait. I guess I wished for a lot of things. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how we survived Baby Ellie.

Anyway... Let's stick with the breastfeeding. I wrote about my first experience with breastfeeding Ellie, and I am constantly reminding myself that this time around is so much better.

Be it because I didn't have an epidural during this birth, or maybe that Addie wasn't quite as jaundice as Ellie was, or maybe they just have different personalities, but Addie was by far more alert than Ellie from the very beginning. Combine that with the fact that she is a little bigger than her older sister, and her older sister "prepped" my nipples for feeding... Feeding Addie has gone significantly better than Ellie.

With Ellie, we were in the hospital for 4 days. Addie was home after just a single day. When I think about where Addie was at 4 days, it boggles my mind how much further we were. At 4 days old, a typical baby is expected to gain 0.5-1.0 oz a day, but Addie had gained 6 oz in just two days! At 4 days, we had 4 days of successful breastfeeding behind us. With Ellie, we hadn't even had a successful latch.

When I think about it in terms of comparing the two, I am reminded that we're weeks, if not months ahead of the game. However, it's hard to remember that things are going better when they're still not going well.

Five days into breastfeeding was my low point. I had cracks in my nipples that were so deep that every time Addie fed, she'd draw blood and would spit it up a few minutes later. If there is one thing about early motherhood that I will always be impressed with, it's the fact that nipples can heal. Think about it - it's not like you can say "Oh, just give me a few days to recover and I'll be back on track afterward!" No, these are wounds that are reopened every 2-3 hours. And that takes a toll on you. Yet they heal. Amazing.

I will always be in awe at how difficult breastfeeding can be. You'd think that since every baby in history has had to depend on it, then it would come more naturally. I have a great deal of amazement for those few that I know who had no problems breastfeeding at all. How they do it is beyond me. I guess that explains why Wet Nurses were so popular in the past!

I am happy to say that only two weeks in, I'm definitely over the hump. My low point was at 5 days and I did question whether or not it was worth continuing. The fact that I could look back at my first month with Ellie and remind myself that it was so much worse then, yet I got over it, kept me going this time.

It's not perfect yet. Feeding Addie still hurts for the first couple of sucks of each latch, but then I'm fine. Two weeks and I feel like I'm where Ellie and I were at 2 months. So there is hope yet. I just look forward to the day when I don't have to fear my baby's mouth anxiously awaiting and grabbing for the boob. Scary.

Football Family Moments

Mommy: Which team do we want to win?
Ellie: Huh?
Mommy: Which team do you like? The black one or the white one?
Ellie: I like the yellow one.
Mommy: Yellow and black. Yeah, I like that team too.
Ellie: No! You like the green one.
Mommy: Green team? The green team isn't playing today.
Ellie: You like the green grass.
Mommy: Oh. Go green grass!
Ellie: Go yellow team!