Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Good bye 2013.... Hello 2014!!!

I've been blogging for quite sometime now. At this point, with the exception of one friend, I have no idea who (if anyone) even reads the blog. But it doesn't matter. I've always said that even though I started the blog intending for it to be a way to keep all our family updated, it ended up having very little to do with that. Instead, it ended up being my sanity. By forcing myself to search for the things in my life that make me smile or laugh, I actually found myself paying more attention to those things. I believe there is a lot of parenting experiences I would have never noticed, or would have quickly forgotten about, had it not been for my blog. Every year I print my blog into a hard-copy book, and these have become some of my most cherished possessions. Parenting is full of moments that we all forget about, but I will forever have a record of at least a small sample of the positive things, those are the memories I want to keep.

Why am I writing about all this now? I suppose it's a reminder to myself. 2013 proved to be quite a different year for me than expected. I started the year with fantastic goals, many of which actually drew my attention away from my blog. As luck would have it, life gave me a twist when I was laid off in September. While I consider myself to be a very optimistic person, one who is able to see the positive magic in just about any experience, I failed miserably to find the good in that experience. Though I knew it was a "business" decision, it was still impossible for me to not take the layoff personally.

I guess you could say I quickly came down with a minor case of depression. It's not as though I was depressed every moment of the day. I'm not sure if it was even apparent to others around me. My guess is that it was, but it was subtle. The most apparent signs were that I stopped doing everything I love. Almost cold-turkey. I stopped making my gnomes, which have always brought a big sense of joy to my life. I have always loved to bring a small smile into people's lives with my gnomes, but it was nearly impossible for me to convince myself to keep it up.

I also stopped blogging. At first I didn't notice that I had (other than an occasional reminder from my most loyal fan), but then I started to noticed that my patience with the girls went downhill. Suddenly I was snapping at them, and found myself anxiously waiting for bedtime to roll around. The girls asked me on more than one occasion, "Mommy, why are you mad these days?" or "Mommy, it's been a long time ago since you were happy with us." Those comments would shoot a jolt of pain through me. I knew they were right, and of course I would go out of my way to try to be nice for a few days. The point is this... though I'm sure there was more to it than just the fact that I stopped blogging, I'm also sure that it didn't help the situation.

Yesterday was the last day of 2013 and I have to say I'm glad to see it go. Don't get me wrong, lots of great things have happened this last year, but I am excited to return to myself again. I have accepted a job offer and start working again on the 6th. I'm really excited about the position and think it will be a lot of fun. I think it's perfect timing because I am going bonkers feeling like I don't contribute to society anymore (spoken with a smile - that sounded worse than I meant it).

I'm going back to the basics. 2014 will be filled with gnomes and many of which will be donated just because it makes my heart sing to do so. 2014 will also see more regular blog posting, for no other reason than my girls deserve to have the best mommy I can possibly give them. And that can only come from one who searches for the good rather than focusing on the frustrations.

Most importantly... I deserve it. Though I have my frustrating moments, those are not the ones I want to remember. Life is good... It's about time I start remembering that.

1 comment:

Jen H said...

Hooray for more blog entries! Also, I love it when (even anonymously) I make it into a post. =) Happy New Year!