If you're happy and you know it...

I have recently wondered if I am suffering from postpartum depression. At first, I assumed that the fact that recently I cry so easily was due to hormones or sleep deprivation and was to be expected. It's not like I'm sad or anything. I really do feel like things are going well and that I am an incredibly lucky person to have the family that I have. My baby is the most precious thing I have ever known. So, why do I cry? I don't know. Many times, I don't even have a reason. Strange, I know.

Anyway, the other day I went to the pediatrician to see a lactation consultant regarding some minor but lingering nursing issues. As luck would have it, Ellie freaked out again. This time it wasn't the scale to blame, but rather it was the delay in getting fed (you'd think they would call you back sooner if you're in the waiting room with a crying baby!). By the time we got into the lactation room, my little girl had decided she was surely going to die of starvation. What sucks most about that is the fact that there is a certain breaking point where, once reached, there is no going back.

I hate it when I can't calm her down and this was the second time it happened at the pediatrician. The previous time, they said that they would send us to the emergency room if she didn't calm down soon. No pressure.

Anyway, being embarrassed (if that's the right word) about not being able to calm my baby down was enough to get me crying again and when the nurse came in she asked me if I was depressed because she usually sees upset mothers much earlier in the game, not after 2 months!

I have mentioned it before, how I think I'm too easily persuaded. As soon as the word "depressed" crossed her lips, I had myself convinced that maybe, I am actually depressed. After all, it's only been since the baby was born that I cry so easily, and you'd think that would have gotten better as things with the baby improve (which they certainly have).

However, this morning I woke up after a great night's sleep (Ellie slept 7 hours last night and I had to wake her up this morning), I decided that just as it is easy to convince myself I have depression, it should be just as easy to convince myself that I am not. It may be because of being well rested, but I think I am going to make it this entire week without crying and then re-evaluate whether or not I should do something about it if I'm not successful.

Wish me luck.