Pages

Friday, December 11, 2009

I can't stop thinking about "It"

Ok, I should have written about this long ago but I thought it would pass.

I'm being haunted by something I heard on the radio a few weeks BEFORE Addie was born. 2.5 months, people! And I still can't stop having nightmares about "It."

One of the radio stations in town does a section every afternoon of "Other People's Problems" where someone writes or calls in a problem and other listeners call in their solutions. The problem on this particular day started out as a pregnant woman who thought she was having a boy but when the ultrasound revealed that the baby was a girl, she no longer felt attached to the baby. She no longer really even wanted to be pregnant and felt like it was someone else's baby. Most of the listeners called in saying things like "Oh, that happened to me, and the feeling goes away the moment you hold your baby for the first time."

But then there was a lady who called in to say that she went through a similar thing during her pregnancy. Her story went something like this:

I thought I was having a boy and was so excited. Then I found out it was a girl and I didn't want it anymore. When it was born, I was hoping the ultrasound was wrong, but It still wasn't a boy. I didn't want It, but I was obligated to take It. I fed It. I bathed It. I changed Its diapers, but I never loved It. I make sure It's warm and dressed but I have never been attached to It. It calls me Mommy, but It's Daddy gives It the love It needs.

She went on and on for a good 5 minutes telling her story and NEVER ONCE referred to her daughter as just that - her DAUGHTER. She ALWAYS used the word "It." It was bone-chilling. When the DJs asked her old her daughter was, she responded "I think it's almost 3 now."

How crazy is that? Ok, I can understand taking a long time to attach to your baby because they're so demanding and they give nothing back in return. But a child who is almost 3 has laughter and explores the world. They give you hugs and kisses. They tell you they love you. They get excited about seeing anything you show them for the first time. The love smiley face pancakes and walks around the block to see Christmas lights. They love to put blankets over their heads and pretend to be ghosts or princesses, whichever suits the mood. They run everywhere they go. They say funny things like "No pretend mac and cheese for you Mommy, you get beans and sausage!"

How can you NOT feel for a child with such a big personality, let alone one who is yours. Your very own child. Yours. She idols you. Yours. YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

Ok, people. There you have it. It was so bone-chilling to hear this lady talk about her daughter for so long and never once call her anything other than "It" that now I have nightmares about it. I want to find the little girl and give her a hug and adopt her and show her that she is loved.

Sigh.

7 comments:

sqpeggy said...

I agree that is chilling. Frankly it sounds like the lady has a clinical issue requiring medication. You don't have to be boiling rabbits like Glenn Close to be clinically depressed. Sometimes it manifests itself as total lack of interest in anything in your life. That lady needs some help.

Still... you're right- you wish you could trace that call and find that family and reach out somehow.

Dan said...

She is mentally ill.

Salina said...

It sounds like she suffers from PPD and never sought any help. It is near impossible to bond and attach when you struggle with PPD. It took a really long time for me with both of my children...Charlotte was about 14 months and Cooper was about 10 months before I started feeling bonded or attached to them. It was at that point that my PPD started getting tremendously better. It's really too bad she doesn't seem to have anyone around her to tell her to get some help.

Niffer said...

Salina - how long can PPD affect someone? It seems to me that after a certain amount of time, it wouldn't be the culprit, but I honestly don't know much about it.

Salina said...

Not sure, since I'm not really a doctor. I can only talk about what I know and what I experienced. PPD can come on any time, although it usually manifests within the first few months after birth. If left untreated it technically becomes depression, but the feelings may still be the same. I still get down and the 'scary feelings' come back every now and then. Mostly if I'm sleep deprived or PMS'ing and since I know it's temporary I can deal with it and not have any issues. If the feelings continue ot linger and become too much, I go back to my therapist. Cooper is 20 months now, so I suppose it lasts awhile.

Niffer said...

Wow.

Salina said...

Oh, and I forgot to mention that you should check out this crazy website.
http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/6.aspx

This is obviously the extreme of gender diappointment, but it's a real thing. I personally cannot imagine not loving one my children simply because of their gender, so I think some of these women are crazy.