I've already mentioned how the Disney on Ice show resulted in mixed feelings. One of the more negative ones was the result of the scene in Lion King where Simba's dad dies. Ellie was quite concerned about the lion and kept asking "where the other lion go?" Not thinking that the Denver Coliseum was the appropriate venue to have that conversation, we told her that he went behind the curtain to rest. I don't think she bought it because she kept asking about the other lion. Later that day, she asked me "The other lion go behind curtain to rest?" just to confirm that my answer hadn't changed.
She's a smart cookie. At what age do kids learn about death? At what age do you talk to them about it? I know what someone who believes in Heaven would say, but I'm curious about what parents say when they don't (Salina, what do you plan to tell your kids?). I certainly don't want her to learn about that for the first time from school (the radio show recently talked about a lady's 3-year old daughter telling the kids at school that their mommies were going to die), but I simply don't know how or when to bring it up.
I know that the biggest reason for my hesitation is that she's only 2.5 years old. She's too innocent, isn't she? The darkest things she should have to worry about are why the thistles are chasing Tinker Bell and why they make a mess that she has to clean up. Or why Izzy at school won't share her toys with Ellie. Aren't those the type of dark thoughts that a 2 year old should have to deal with?
On the other hand, she does seem to have a lot of anxiety about losing Mommy or Daddy (blame Finding Nemo). I'm assuming that's normal, but maybe it's not? Maybe it's my way into the conversation?
Thoughts?
2 comments:
Death is a hard subject. We plan to address it when they begin asking. It sounds like Ellie is starting to ask. I like being open, honest and direct, but still doing it in terms they can understand that won't scare them or have them telling other children scary things.
We plan to address it in more of a circle of life thing (which ironically is the theme in Lion King). Probably start with how flowers bloom and then during the winter they die. That's how nature works, in order for things to live other things have to die.
We plan to explain that there are many beliefs about what happens when you die. Some people believe that you become something else, like a tree or a cow. Other people believe that nothing happens, that you just become part of the earth again. Other people believe that there is a really nice special place with friends and family called heaven.
If they ask what I believe, I'll tell them that I think all of those possibilities could happen, but I don't know for sure what happens. I'll tell them that I think everyone continues to live in some way because other people remember them. They look at pictures and talk about them.
If they ask if I'm going to die, I'll tell them that it won't happen for a long, long time so try not to be worried about it.
I learned about death at age 4. I don't remember what made it sink in, but it was a conversation with my mother. I didn't take it well, to say the least. I remember locking myself in my room and screaming "I don't want to die!" Looking back I can only imagine how my mother felt.
I'm not so sure that I feel differently about it now!
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