Monday, March 17, 2014

5 Love Languages

A week or so ago I posted about the 5 Love Languages and which ones I thought were Ellie's and Addie's primary methods of feeling and expressing love.

I said that Ellie's top two were likely Words of Affirmation followed by Receiving Gifts.
I said that Addie's top two were likely Quality Time followed by Physical Touch.

I'm here to admit that I was wrong. Yes, I know. It's a shock. It happens so rarely. Ha! I wish.

After actually LISTENING to the entire book and paying more attention to not only the things that the girls enjoy doing, but how they express their love for me and others, as well as what they request from me and what they complain about, I've changed my mind.

Now I think that Ellie's primary Love Language is Physical Touch, followed by Words of Affirmation. I now see that this is definitely her way of showing me that she loves me. Since Physical Touch is probably lowest on my list (and Michael's), Ellie's gestures of love have often come across as clingy or invading my space, but she's DOES IT ALL THE TIME. When she talks about how her day went, it's often filled with examples of words (good and bad) that her friends shared with her throughout the day.

I now believe that her secondary Love Language is Words of Affirmation because she definitely keeps score. If I compliment Addie, she needs a compliment. I encourage her a lot and she has no problems returning the compliments. She is always using her words to tell us why she feels loved and why her family is so special.

As for Addie, I still believe that her top two Love Languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch but I am not sure which one trumps the other. I feel even more strongly that I understand why it's so hard for her to move quickly in the morning. She wants to take her time and be WITH people instead of alone. When she speaks about her day, it's often filled with examples of things her friends did WITH her.

On the other hand, I also think that Physical Touch is very important to Addie. Her initial reaction to saying she's sorry is to give people a hug. If her sister is down, she reaches out to touch her. She is quick to give comfort through touch and just as quick to accept it.

So... Thoughts? I would love to know your observations and see if you agree with me. Obviously everyone needs to receive all 5 types of Love Languages, and they also use all 5 to show their love. I'm trying to narrow it down to the top contenders in hopes of giving me a tool to use to treat the girls as individuals who are different yet equal. If you disagree, I would love to know examples and why! Please share.


Jen H said...

I'm not around them enough to have an opinion on their love languages, but I LOVE that you're intent on figuring it out. I think it's so important, and it helps in my marriage.

Have you ASKED each girl, away from each other (so their answers don't get swayed) what makes them feel really loved?

Niffer said...

Hahhaha... have I asked? The problem is that I've asked too much. What I REALLY need to do is calm down on this whole love language thing and let them be themselves for a while. Then ask again when they're not bombarded with "do you know you're loved?" or "you know I love you, right?" all the time. LOL.

Cindy said...

When Bob took Lorielle to the dentist the other day, Bob said "I really missed you. I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time." Without a word Lorielle moved to him and gave him a hug. Love through physical contact, touch.

Niffer said...

Thank you, Cindy, for the example! Perfect. I'd love to hear more if you ever think to share.