When I was breastfeeding Ellie, I recall having a few "Miracle Latches." These were latches that I literally could not feel at all. It was incredible how different they were from the typical (not even necessarily painful) latches that I experienced. I had no idea what made a certain latch a Miracle Latch, because as far as I could tell, I was always doing the same thing.
Now I know the secret, and you too can have Miracle Latches every time you breastfeed, if you follow my 10-step program. Never again will you have to suffer from painful latches, or even withstand a slightly uncomfortable latch. With my 10-step program, you can welcome Miracle Latches into your daily routine and say goodbye to all others.
Here's what you do:
Step 1: Wait for Baby to be hungry.
Step 2: Take hungry Baby* and place her on changing table.
Step 3: Take a nasal spray bottle and position tip at one of Baby's nose nostrils.
Step 4: Squeeze the bottle while holding Baby's head still with your second hand.
Step 5: Quickly position spray bottle at the tip of Baby's second nose nostril.
Step 6: Repeat Step 4.
Step 7: For best results, repeat Steps 4-6 until Baby is candy apple red from screaming.
Step 8: Pick Baby up from changing table and sit in a comfortable chair.
Step 9: Insert boob into large opening located just below Baby's nose.
Step 10: Sit back, relax and enjoy your very own Miracle Latch.
* Disclaimer: If you want to have a legit excuse for those who ask later, it is best if the baby has a stuffed nose to begin with. Then no one will ask pesky questions like "Why? Why? Why?"
1 comment:
HA! if i had known this little tidbit, perhaps my son would have had mroe than 7 weeks of breastmilk. darn you for having your second baby so far after i had mine!
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