I think she's trying to communicate

This morning I was trying desperately to get more milk into my baby than she felt was necessary. It's a mother's job. After finally giving up out of sheer frustration, I started to talk to her instead. Much to my surprise, she started talking back! She was making all sorts of adorable coos and ahhs, and even an occasional cah! "Oh, look at you talking away," and Addie's only response was a gigantic burp worthy of a sumo wrestler. I've never heard a sumo wrestler burp, but now I know what one would sound like.

Sigh. I guess she wasn't talking after all. She just needed to burp.

Then she starts up again. OH! OH! Talk away, baby! You are so cute. Following that comes a couple minutes of more adorable bahs and coos. "You really ARE talking, aren't you?" and Addie's only response is to puke all over the bed. This wasn't your average baby spit up (I would have used those cute words if it were). It wasn't even your average baby puke. Again, it was worthy of a sumo wrestler (of course, assuming said wrestler only ate milk and lots of it).

Sigh. I guess she wasn't talking after all. She just needed to puke.

Then she starts up again! Oh my! Maybe she really is talking! There isn't anything left in her to complain about! Dang, can you get any more adorable? After a couple minutes of sheer cuteness, I mistakenly say "I love it when you talk to me, Addie!" and Addie's only response was to explode her diaper and when I say "explode" that's exactly what I meant. Now I have seen those sumo wrestlers and what they wear. I'm sure this was worthy of one of their poopy accidents.

Sigh. I guess she wasn't talking after all. She just needed a poop.

Then she starts up again! No, say it isn't so. Do you see where this is going? Can you guess what the final slime is that comes out of this little thing in front of me? Let's just skip to the end, shall we? There was cooing and awwing followed by a fountain of piss. Yep, she peed on me. After all that, she peed on me. Thank goodness she wasn't a sumo wrestler!

Sigh. "Are you done now?" and Addie's only response is a stare. No blinking. No moving. She is still. All is calm. And there is peace in the world again. My apologies for insulting the tribe of sumo wrestlers.

I guess I shouldn't complain. Maybe she was just trying to warn me of the grossness to come? You'd think I'd learn.