I have a fellow Mommy-friend from Maryland who had her daughter a couple months before Ellie was born. She also recently had her second child, a little boy. I finally heard back from her about how she's doing since her boy was born. I wanted to hear more about what she was experiencing, in hopes of better preparing myself for the months to come.
She is having a really hard time. The baby experience, itself, is easier because she's not as stressed. She's not sure what to give credit to, whether it be because she is less nervous being a 2nd time mom, or because she has the knowledge of how short this time really is, or because her little one just is different than her daughter.
Where she is struggling, though, is with her daughter. Her daughter is having a really hard time with the baby. She wouldn't even look at her Mommy while at the hospital. Her sleep is way off. She's really frustrated and her Daddy can't seem to do anything with her.
I'm saddened to hear that her daughter is having such a hard time with the transition. I was so hoping for a happier success story, like my friend in New Mexico.
Then I continued to read... "I'm losing a lot of weight because I'm tandem nursing..."
Huh? Woah! Wait!
I'm all for nursing a baby and I certainly think it's the healthiest thing for a young infant. I ended up nursing Ellie for about 13 months and I know many of my fellow Mommy friends nursed longer (some shorter). I'm not sure at which age I start to lose my level of comfort for the idea of breastfeeding, but if I were to put my finger on an age now I'd say it would have to be when the baby is up and running around, or talking.
Two years and eight months is definitely beyond my level of comfort. I know each mother thinks differently about the topic, and I don't mean to be critical of my friend. I do, however, wonder how much that plays part in her daughter having such a hard time with the new baby. I can only assume that if she's still breast-feeding her daughter, it's not all the time. I'd assume that the baby needs to be fed more often. Wouldn't that create more jealousy in the little girl, when she knows that is her milk!
Breastfeeding is such a personal thing and creates such a special bond between baby and mother, and becoming an older sibling must be incredibly frustrating on its own. I can't help but wonder if it's more difficult on her little girl because she has to share even that special bond with the baby.
Hmm... I'm really just rambling. I am not trying to be judgmental at all, but am thinking out loud of reasons why I need to calm down and let Ellie surprise me with her acceptance of our new baby. She's going to be great! Right?
5 comments:
Not trying to be judgmental or defensive, but I wanted to offer a different perspective. It is possible that your friend is concerned that Ellie may have problems adjusting because you stopped nursing at 13 months. Ellie won't be getting that dedicated bonding time with you and you will have less time to spend with her with the new baby being around.
As an extended breastfeeder (Cooper being 18 months but the size of 3 yr old!), I have a hard time understanding why a mother would stop nursing before age 2. If I were to get pregnant now I would continue nursing, even if it meant I would end up tandem nursing. I guess we all have our different perceptions and comfort levels for nursing. To each their own!
And by the way, I think Ellie will eventually adjust. It is normal for children to go through a period of adjustment when a new member joins the family. I hope the adjustment period will be short and Ellie will fall in love with her sibling very quickly!
Thanks, Salina. I like hearing different perspectives like that. It reminds me that we're all different and often shows me options I wasn't aware of.
I have more questions to ask you but I won't ask them here because I'm not sure what your level of comfort is for sharing on my blog.
I'm an oddball who never really liked nursing, but did it for health benefits (and to be honest, to lose weight) for seven months.
I would think that a child of 2 1/2 with a new sibling would already be feeling like there is competition for time, affection, and attention, but to add a competition for food in the mix would even further complicate things.
Since Ellie's already so excited to be a big sister, I think you're already in good shape. Although, I'll admit I have no experience as the mother of only one child AND as an only child myself. But I'd think that as long as she still feels important and loved, Ellie will adjust fine.
Jen - I emailed you since I don't have access to FB at work. I'm comfortable providing info on your blog...in fact I think I might blog about this topic myself!
Thanks, Kelly!
Salina, if you don't end up posting on your own blog, I think I'll just post the email you sent as a comment. I think there's good stuff in there and it sounds like what you do with Charlotte is similar to what I do to bond with Ellie. In fact, I just now wrote another post for tomorrow about it. =)
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