Tough questions

Someone posted the following comment the other day:

"So how is this new baby? You've haven't written much about her. Are you so in love with her tiny fingers and toes? Who do you think she looks like? And little peeks of her personality coming through? How's she sleeping? She's just beautiful and has a beautiful name."

I'm sure that the person had no idea how difficult those questions are to answer right now, but I will try.

First of all, I haven't written much about the baby simply because there isn't much to say at the moment. At two and a half weeks, she still does very little other than sleep, poop and eat. That doesn't leave much to say, does it?

I think the difficult thing about the questions is the assumption that I'm simply in love with little Addie. It's an easy assumption to make, but I don't think I know any parent who fell in love with their baby from the very start. That's not to say I don't love Addie - but I'm not IN LOVE with her.

I think it's difficult to be absolutely in love with someone who causes you pain. Addie, like her sister, is causing me pain with breastfeeding. And, like any newborn, she steals my precious sleep. Things are always more difficult to deal with when you're sleep deprived.

I know that it takes many new moms by surprise that they don't instantly bond with their baby. I think this time around, I have a head start because at least I don't miss feeling her inside of me like I did with Ellie (I guess me not bonding with the pregnancy was a blessing in disguise).

So, no, I'm not head over heals in love with Addie yet, but I can say that I'm absolutely in love with the idea of the future with her. I'm not sure when I finally realized I was head over heals for Ellie. Was it her first smile at 6 weeks? Was it her first giggle at 4 months? I seem to recall my trip out to CO at 4 months was the first time I felt like I really clicked with Ellie. Was it then? Was it when she stopped being difficult when she learned how to crawl? Who really knows. I just know it happened eventually and it didn't happen instantly.

I wonder if there are mothers out there who really do fall in love the moment they meet their baby. I wonder if those are the rare few who don't have problems with breastfeeding? I wonder if they just don't remember the early days and therefore think they always had the feelings they do now.

But to be fair, you didn't really ask that, did you? Now that I read the comment again, you asked if I was in love with her toes and fingers - not her. LOL. Go figure. I should probably stop being so defensive and actually answer your questions now...

Yes, her toes and fingers are adorable. When you compare them to Ellie's newborn prints, it's amazing how much bigger Ellie's prints are. I forgot how absolutely tiny their little digits are!

We think she looks exactly like Ellie. I'm anxious to compare pictures and I've made it my goal to try to get similar ones for a fair comparison. I've been told that she looks like me, though. I don't think anyone has mentioned her looking like Michael.

She's much more alert than Ellie was. So far, she seems to like to look around and look at people. She doesn't mind being put down for a while, so that gives us hope that she'll be easier than Ellie. However, we remember the first month of Ellie's life being pretty easy too, and then the fit hit the shan.

Addie isn't sleeping terribly, but she's not sleeping well either. She sleeps for 2 hour naps during the day and 3-4 hour chunks at night. It's hard to remember that, though, because the night hours fly by so much quicker.

And thanks for the compliments on the name! I'm quite fond of both of the names we ended up with for our daughters. Yay!