I'll be honest, this Christmas was a little difficult on us, though probably not in the way that most people would think. What was difficult for us is the concept of Santa. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to deprive Ellie (or Addie) of the opportunity to believe in magic. The world is a magical place, but it's only as magical as we allow it to be. Shouldn't little children spend their childhood believing in things like fairies, princesses, magic frogs that turn into princes... and Santa? I want my children to believe in magic because it exists only as long as you believe it does.
On the other hand, we definitely want to have an open and honest relationship with Ellie (and Addie). It just feels wrong to lie to her, no matter how big or small the lie is. We want her to believe us and everything we say. We want her to trust us. It's as simple as that. Isn't telling her that Santa exists a big fat lie? Is that fair of us to do?
The compromise that Michael and I came to was to keep Santa but to try to minimize the additional stories we tell. For example, we can say that Santa comes and brings toys to good little boys and girls, and we can even provide him a means of entering the house (for us, a magical key because we don't have a chimney), but it stops there. We're leaving the elaborate stories of how we need to leave cookies for Santa, and oh look! Santa ate all the cookies! And what about the carrots for Rodolph? Well, if she wants to leave such things, then so be it, but we will try not to suggest it ourselves.
On the other hand, we're also not going to tell the other families what to say. If Gramma wants to make up stories about how Santa leaves notes thanking us for cookies, or if Nana wants to make up stories explaining why he comes to her house AND our house, then that's fine. It seems to me that it's up to them what words and stories they want to tell the grandchildren.
Is that a strange compromise? It's like we're still allowing the magical lie to continue, but we're hoping for it to not come directly from us? Do other parents struggle with this same issue? I'm curious to know how you guys feel about it and how you rationalize Santa.
P.S. Yes, in the top picture Ellie is indeed wearing her swimsuit under her dress. And yes, that dress is a Hawaiian dress Nana got her a while ago. But, hey! At least the complete outfit looks a little Christmassy!
5 comments:
The actual story of Santa is very real. He was St. Nick and he did bring presents to children who were good. Even as an adult I like to imagine Santa as real, so I plan to have my children do the same. I don't know if I'll do all the cookies for Santa and oats on the lawn for reindeer (that is just too much work with all the other things going on!), but we do plan to have the one toy that Santa brings.
I guess I don't see how it's different than teaching my children to pretend. Imagination is something that we think is important, and pretending/believing is not lying for us.
I really like your approach though...allowing the belief to happen, but not taking it to the extreme. I also like that you are allowing grandparents to do as they wish. We plan to do the same.
I'm always fascinated at how families deal with Santa...it really amazes me at how different everyone sees it!
I love the photos in this post! Especially the one of you in the Santa hat, you look adorable! And the look on little Addie's face is so cute.
My parents never told any stories about Santa - I was under no illusions. But then we celebrated both Christmas and Chanukah so things weren't traditional in our household. But I loved the holiday just the same (still do!). So I think whatever you do will work and this sounds like a really nice way to handle it, especially because you're giving your family leniency to hold their own traditions too.
Salina, I liked your perspective about how it's not really different than teaching our kids to pretend and use their imagination. I like that a lot! Thanks!
And thanks Spleeness for your input too. I had forgotten that some of your family is Jewish.
We tell our children that Santa is real. That he leads a real life and watches them and knows all about them. Our kids leave notes and cookies for santa. And santa writes notes back to them.
We tell tem this because Santa IS real. We - their parents - are Santa. And when they grow up and have kids they will be Santa for their kids. When they get to the point that they need an explanation, we will beable to tell them the truth without ever having lied to them. This lets them believe in Santa and lets us be completely truthful with them.
$0.02
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