I realize that most of you think that this blog is about Ellie. You'd be wrong, but I can see why you would make that mistake. It's not about Ellie at all. It's about me! ME! ME! It's all about ME!!!
Actually, it's not. You're right. It might as well be called "Ellie Tales", but I need to change that. At least every now and then I need to remind you guys that I'm pregnant. There's another child! Just because I forget, does not mean you should too!
So let's put Ellie aside for now (what she doesn't know won't hurt her)...
Baby Vincent II.
Do we find out the gender or not? Last time we chose not to find out, even though I went to that appointment with the intention of talking Michael into the opposite. If it weren't for that cute couple! ARGH!
No, I'm over that now. The point is that not knowing ended up being so much fun, and nothing could beat the feeling I had when it was Michael who first told me I had a daughter. It wasn't some stranger ultrasound technician who clicked away happily from one body part to the next, as though she had seen thousands of ultrasounds of babies just like ours. Ours was unique, dammit! It's OUR baby! It wasn't the doctor who happened to be on duty at 1:00 AM on the morning of Tuesday April 17th, who was too busy to stay with us for any longer than necessary.
It was my husband. My soul mate. The man who just held my hand and rubbed my back for the last 27+ hours of labor (forget the fact that the whole pregnant thing - and thus the 27+ hours of back labor - would not have happened without him). The father of the child I just gave birth to. The man who will take care of me for years to come. The man who will grow old with me and watch this baby grow through childhood and eventually into a fine young adult (slowly, of course). That's who told me we had a daughter. And that's the feeling that is making it hard for me to decide this time.
On the other hand, I really really want to know! Just like last time, only worse. I do not have a good reason for it other than the fact that I CAN know what the gender is, so WHY NOT??? Besides, I feel like it would be easier for Ellie to grasp the concept of having a baby sister/brother instead of just a baby.
I've also heard from some mothers that knowing the gender of the baby helped them feel a stronger bond with the baby that was growing inside of them. Though I don't *think* I had a problem bonding with Ellie, I do wonder if that contributed to the difficulties we had when she was first born (breast feeding and her being so difficult to calm for so long).
I'm probably worrying about it too much because either decision will be a great one, but since the decision is mine and mine alone (Michael would rather not know, but he's trying really hard to let me choose this time), I am choosing to fret over it.
Besides, I need something to keep reminding me that there is a wonderful little being growing inside of me. I already feel guilty for giving Ellie more of my attention and love than Baby Vincent II. Maybe knowing the gender would help me bond with the baby now? Who knows?
4 comments:
Well before we talked to you and Michael we both thought we would want to know. You both convinced us otherwise!!! So now I don't know what to tell you...
Really? That's interesting! I think, when the time comes, you'd both have a lot of fun not knowing. We'll have to talk about it more. I have more to say that I don't want to post online.
boy- now i feel like a comment whore. two in as many days. do you think less of me?
with my first, i was surprised at birth. with my second, i said this: "if it's a girl, you can tell me. if it's a boy, i don't wanna know." well, no one in my family has had boys. i was scared! and i had a boy. go figure. and they told me anyway.
i don't much know why i wanted to know the second time and not the first- rather like you, i think. i did like knowing though. someone told me once that it's always a surprise... either there in the ultrasound room, or in the delivery room... and let's face it, there are always surprises with babies, true?
i will say this... i bonded hard and fast with my first. it has taken MUCH longer with the second. there could be many reasons for this. reasons i won't go into, because i need to learn to be less verbose... but i am confident saying pre-delivery knowledge of gender clearly played ZERO part in my bonding experience.
so, niff, make a last minute call and go with your gut... get it? with your gut? 'cause the baby's sitting there in your.... oh, nevermind...
;-)
m
M - you're the first person I've talked to who didn't necessarily say that they preferred not knowing over knowing. You're also the first person to admit that knowing the gender did nothing for you to help with connecting to the baby. Thank you so much for your comment.
Hehehe... go with you gut. Guts and pregnancy are gross. It grosses me out knowing that my guts get pushed up to my chest as the baby grows. I'll be sure to let everyone know what my gut ends up telling me at the very moment the tech asks if we want to know.
Post a Comment